“I’d rather be aware of the ugly truth than have somebody be with me out of pity.”— Reddit User on r/DatingAdvice
“Every broken heart has screamed at one time or another: Why can’t you see who I truly am?” ― Shannon L. Alder
“Better to put your heart on the line, risk everything, and walk away with nothing than play it safe. Love is a lot of things, but ‘safe’ isn’t one of them.” — Mandy Hale
Start Here
- If you’re not interested in pursuing something with someone you’ve met, the kindest thing you can do is tell them you’re not interested and move on. Prolonging the conversation after you’ve already decided it’s not going anywhere only makes things worse.
- Be honest but not cruel.
- Be concise and to the point.
Talking Points
First time asking
- Thank you very much for your kind offer, but I’m not interested.
- That’s very kind of you, but I’m afraid you’re not my type.
- Thank you, but I’m not looking for a relationship right now.
- I really appreciate your sweet words, but I can only see you as a friend. I don’t understand it, but the heart wants what the heart wants.
- I’m sorry, I’m not interested. The heart has reasons the mind will never know.
- Thank you for your interest, but I’m afraid I can’t return those lovely feelings. Although you are a beautiful person, inside and out, I only have feelings of friendship towards you.
- I’m sorry - I know you have strong feelings, but I can’t make myself see you differently than in a platonic light.
After a first date
- I enjoyed our date and had fun, but I don't see this working out. Thank you for the meal and the lovely conversation. Best of luck to you!
- Hey, I’m not interested in pursuing our relationship further. Thank you for your kindness and for the time you spent with me. I hope you have a wonderful future.
- I never want to lead anyone on or waste anyone's time because it makes me feel like a horrible person, and I started to feel that way with you, so I knew something was wrong. Anyway, I hope you find what you're looking for and continue to be a wonderful, awesome person.
When they can’t take “no” for an answer
- As I’ve said to you before, I’m not interested. I can’t change my feelings on this matter, and your constant pressing is certainly pushing me further into my dislike of you.
- Listen, I can repeat this for you, but I can’t understand it for you: I’M NOT INTERESTED.
- In a Post Me-Too World, do you think this is a good look for you? Because it’s not.
- You know how people are always talking about really annoying, un-evolved men who can’t take “no” for an answer… they’re talking about you.
- The fact that you can’t take “no” for an answer is the best evidence I could ever have to prove to myself that my initial instinct to turn you down was the right one.
- Oh my goodness, there is nothing more unattractive than a man so DESPERATE and INSECURE that he continues to press his suit, even after his target has made it PAINFULLY clear that she is NOT INTERESTED.
- If you continue to harass me, I will seek a restraining order (see below).