“This isn’t working for me anymore.”
“I’m unhappy.”
“It’s time we fight for our happiness.”
Start Here
- I’m not going to put lipstick on this pig — Divorce sucks.
- Whether you’re the one asking or the one being asked: it hurts. I’m sorry you’re going through it.
- Your partner will have a hard time hearing and retaining information due to emotion. Keep your sentences as short, clear, and concise as possible. Talk slowly and take pauses so they can take it in.
- There is no one right answer to having this conversation. Be honest, be clear, be as kind as you can be (even if you don’t feel like it), and be firm.
- Have a plan in place before you ask for a divorce. And let’s be clear - this isn’t really a request. You’re getting a divorce.
- Be 100 percent sure this is what you want before you have this conversation - being wishy washy is unkind.
Talking Points
- We’ve tried everything and it’s still not working. We’ve talked about this a lot and I’ve been thinking about our relationship for such a long time.
- I can’t be happy in this marriage anymore. We both deserve happiness.
- I know how hurt you are and how hard this will be, and I’m happy to talk with you and answer any questions you may have.
- I want to do this as amicably as possible because we owe it to all of our beautiful memories together.
- You have helped me grow so much and I’m always going to be grateful for our time together, but it’s time that we fight more for our individual happiness than for our marriage. I’ve learned that I can’t fight for both.
What to Discuss After the Initial Divorce Conversation
After initially speaking with your spouse, you should plan on later discussing:
- Housing arrangements
- Pet sharing or sole ownership
- How to tell friends and family members
- What you both envision this process looking like
- Making a schedule for how to go about moving forward
- How much you both are comfortable leaning on each other for support
- What you'd like your relationship to look like post-divorce
- How to handle family events
- How to manage events and parties with friends
- Discussing boundaries you both feel comfortable with in terms of appropriate contact
